Dear Architect:
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I
need, so you should use your discretion.
My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just
make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or
deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final
decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each
configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.
Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less
than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you
correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the
floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls
don't have nearly enough insulation in them).
As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly
maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the
incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl or composite
siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to
explain your decision in detail.)
Please take care that modern design practices and the latest
materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a
showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted,
however, that the kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among
other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.
To ensure that you are building the correct house for our entire
family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also
our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about
how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a
year. Make sure that you weigh all of these options carefully and
come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule
any choices that you make.
Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is
to develop the overall plans for the house; get the big picture. At
this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the
color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.
Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to
build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed
plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I
would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.
While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in
mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It
therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers.
Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a
consensus of the population in my area that they like the features
this house has.
I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house that he
constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features
that we would also like in our new home, particularly the 25 meter
swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can
design this into our new home without impacting the final cost.
Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary
at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for
construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held
accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of
later design changes.
You must be thrilled to be working on as interesting a project as
this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be
given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very
often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and
plans.
P.S.
My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the
instructions that I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is
your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in
the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't
handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.
P.P.S.
Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer.
Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
[Author unknown]
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